Life By Strings

"I like how I was the last to know. Thanks."

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 08:41:45 GMT

-Me - Everyday of my social life

No matter how much someone tells you that they are your "Best Friend," there's no doubt that they are lying. Out of all the people i've been hanging out with all summer there has only been one person that i've been able to call my "Best Friend." Is it that people don't want to have too much of me or some people just don't want me around? I realized that, "Yes, I am a Bitch and that may be an over or understatement of how I truly am, but this 'bitchy' attitude is only here because YOU put it here. So yes, f. u."

Maybe my "friends" just don't consider an invitation to places because i'm really not labeled into this circle of friends. I know and have always known that in the end it's Me and only Me out there to look for number one. And I've been right every single time. When something is so wrong or when I need the comfort, no one is ever there to hold my hand. But, on the contrary, if something is wrong when it comes to one of my "friends" i'm speeding over for max comfort. Because, this is what, to me, is a good friend and what a good friend would and will do for their friend.

How dare you call yourself my "Best Friend". You have no idea what a Best Friend is.

Ryan Out

Disappointment Part 4.1

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 06:32:41 GMT

love

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.	sexual passion or desire.

4.	a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5.	(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6.	a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7.	sexual intercourse; copulation.

8.	(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.

9.	affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.

10.	strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.

11.	the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

12.	the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

13.	Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.

14.	a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

–verb (used with object)

15.	to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

16.	to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).

17.	to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.

18.	to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.

19.	to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

20.	to have sexual intercourse with.

–verb (used without object)

21.	to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

—Verb phrase

22.	love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets.

—Idioms

23.

for love,

a.	out of affection or liking; for pleasure.

b.	without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.

24.	for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.

25.	in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.

26.	in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.

27.

make love,

a.	to embrace and kiss as lovers.

b.	to engage in sexual activity.

28.	no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.

Ryan's Definition:
1. No meaning found. Please try again later.

Why don't I blog?

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 02:00:37 GMT

I just wondered.

Why don't I ever blog? I mean. Look a lot of people blog, I blog sometimes. I hardly ever spill my guts to this page. I think I have to do videos because I'll talk more.

CHANGE IS COMING LIVEJOURNAL!

-Ryan out

Thinking over Friends

Thu, 15 May 2008 22:03:43 GMT

This year has been a real year on friendship. I don't really know who i'm calling my friend this year. I've hung out with so many type of people, but who can I really trust? Who is out there that I can really call my friend? Maybe it's just my wild emotions or this really is going on.

-Ryan Out

AP Test Over

Wed, 14 May 2008 22:14:44 GMT

With the AP test behind me now. I think the healing can begin. And let the rest and relaxation commence!

Summer here I come

-Ryan Out

Trauma

Tue, 13 May 2008 22:29:09 GMT

I don't know what has been going on with me lately. I'm still a wreck since the car crash. I've been a roller coaster of emotions and I've been snapping at people easily. Really am sorry to everyone that I've been yelling at. I'll apologize soon. I just need to clear my head first of everything that has been going on. Everything just needs to chill and relax so Ryan can get back to normal.

Let's wait and see what the future holds.

-Ryan

Crash

Tue, 13 May 2008 22:24:58 GMT

Saturday night had to be the craziest night in the world.

Well first off lets starts from the beginning of my saturday. I woke up at 10 and had to go get ready for a performance. I was barely finished changing by the time Rachel called.

Performance: Oh my god. We effed up big time. Subli was a mess. Pandango was all bad because someone broke a glass and I dropped mine. Tinikling we kept slamming on the bamboo, I kept getting hit by it. Blah whatever we got paid. Holla!

To the mall!

Mall: Went around the mall for Rachel and Trixie to get mother's day gifts. I went to go buy clothes for the party that night.

Well I got home at 4, and Cameron was suppose to pick me up at 6. I had enough time to go to safeway and get some more money before I had to get ready. Then headed over to EB Games to sell some games. Unfortunately they don't buy computer games. Well that was the least of my worries. Because my brother had to go bring Traci to the mall, and I was still in the car. So I didn't get home until 5:30. Effing!

Well I rather not talk about my amazing time at the GLBT dance in Concord. That's as much as i'm gonna say.

What happened afterwards was what was life changing.

Long story short. There was a car crash. The guy was an a-hole. We were stuck in the cold. Emotionally traumatized. I ended up getting frisked by a cop that grabbed my crotch 3 times. Stuck outside of a closed Starbucks. People honking at us. One of Cameron's friends saved the night. We got home. I slept over at Cameron's house. If you want the detailed story your gonna have to hear it from me.

-Ryan Out

New Life

Thu, 08 May 2008 04:18:42 GMT

I've figured it out. I think this is the year to look after oneself. So! This year i'm going to look at number one. Me. No more everyone else. Ryan is going to look at RYAN! A friend of mine is going through a whole enlightenment stage. Maybe it's just a phase. But it probably is. Well my phase is here too. It's time for Ryan to do some spring cleaning.

So Ryan is gonna start working out. [I don't know why i'm referring to myself in third person.] But damn, I realized without the studio, i've been gaining quite the amount of weight. So, i'm gonna try and do some exercises everyday. Run up and down the stairs 30 times. I did it yesterday, I think I can do it everyday. Do 50 crunches [Reasonable amount right now]. Lift some weights, probably not a lot.

I think this is reasonable right now. I mean, I don't want to be ripping big, but I want to have some muscle on me. So why not the legs and stomach. I'll work slowly on the arms. Start on that in the summer. But right now. Ryan's working it out.

New life here I come.

Ryan out.

Tue, 06 May 2008 01:46:36 GMT

Tony Stark is a billionaire industrialist and genius inventor who is kidnapped and forced to build a devastating weapon. Instead, using his intelligence and ingenuity, Tony builds a high-tech suit of armor and escapes captivity. When he uncovers a nefarious plot with global implications, he dons his powerful armor and vows to protect the world as Iron Man.

A kick ass marvel movie. There hasn't been a good marvel movie since X-Men II. It's funny and plenty of action to go around. For those of you that don't fallow the Ultimate Marvel Universe, don't worry, you'll fallow along fine with the movie. It's great and true to the story, now let's see if they can fallow up with the fallowing movies. There's lots of hints towards Avengers, other possible movies/sequels. Let's just see what Stan Lee has planned.

Grade: A-

Ryan Out

Belated Day of Silence Blog

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 04:50:02 GMT

The National Day of Silence brings attention to anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. This year’s event will be held in memory of Lawrence King, a California 8th-grader who was shot and killed Feb. 12 by a classmate because of his sexual orientation and gender expression. Hundreds of thousands of students will come together on April 25 to encourage schools and classmates to address the problem of anti-LGBT behavior.

This is a good reason to stay silent right? I did it. Most of the day except for 5 hours that were left. It was a hard day. Only slipped twice. Once when I woke up in Algebra-2 and I asked Christina if I drooled or not. Then during practice she asked if my makeup was good yesterday. Grah. She's horrible! XD

Then Mr. River yells at me for doing this. "I know your doing this for a good cause but this is more important right now." Fuck just let me do this! [Note: For those of you that don't know. Yes I am Bi.]

Well as if things weren't worse enough. That night only got worse. I messed up on stage when I had so many people I knew watching me. That entire night I felt like crying. Not because of the show, maybe it was because of him, maybe it was because my life sucks.

The night only got better as soon as I got back to Tim's house. Thanks guys.

Ryan Out

Depression Part 4

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 09:19:24 GMT

D - Don't tell her about it
E - Even though you think you love her
P - Pretend it never happend
R - Remind yourself constantly that the other guy will make her happier
E - Especially when she doesn't even know your there
S - Silently stand behind her every choice
S - Shrug it off and let everything go by
I - Instincts tell you to live the happy life, alone
O - Opening your heart will only tear her away
N - Never let this all happen.

I'm tired of being just friends. I'm tired that every girl I meet has to be a friend because she likes someone else. Maybe even that your best friend[s] like her. Or maybe there's some fucked up guy that doesn't even care about her, but she likes him more. I think i'm alone. No, I know i'm alone. A million people in the city and no one to talk to. I can't relate to anything anyone says, even if I can I don't know how to talk to them about it. I feel out of place. I love attention. I hate having to talk. I hate having to sing. I hate dancing.

Dancing has been hell turned over into a new hell. Soreness. Being mind fucked to believe that I can't dance. I hate him. Always telling me I can't dance, damn bastards can't just shut their mouth. Thinks he's better then me. Screw him.

Then when I think I got it down. I'm a count off. One meezely count off. As if things weren't worse enough, my ass is numb from falling on the floor. Why do I keep dancing?

Who am I kidding?

I don't love the stage. I don't love dancing. I don't love acting. I don't love the theater. I don't love performing.

Ryan out. Again.

Movie Reviews

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 04:09:14 GMT

It completely slipped my mind....

I haven't done movie reviews for a long time. In the time I have seen; Sweenie Todd, I Am Legend, and Cloverfield. All great movies with amazing twists. Don't really feel like doing reviews for them now. Maybe tomorrow when I watch a movie tomorrow.

Stay tuned for Depression Part 4

-Ryan

Disappointment Part 3

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 06:34:00 GMT

Who ever this may concern.

I've come to the realization that I won't have money this holiday season. I won't have money to buy people gifts. I won't have money to buy people happiness. I won't have money to buy people my happiness. Seeing other people happy makes me happy. I guess it's as simple as that. Even though I know they'll be getting gifts from other friends. How will I feel when I see people giving gifts? How will I feel when I receive gifts only to give nothing back?

Last year I gave 500$ worth of gifts away. 500$ from my pocket not my parents. 500$ that I collected through out the year that was added onto my birthday money. Why do I do this? Why can't I be selfish? Why can't I just keep my money and make myself happy with it? Why should I have to buy people things in order to make me happy?

Why?

Remembrance.

Over the years. I've drifted from my friends. I don't feel like I really belong with any clique at school. As if I could just sit in the halls during lunch and no one would notice. Most of the time during lunch I sit there watching my friends laugh and talk. It's as if I'm not really there. I don't say a word. A comment or two. Only to go unnoticed.

Maybe it's because some people think I'm a jerk. I guess I am.

Ironic.

I feel a bliss when helping others, but I feel that same bliss when I can tear it down. A yin and yang I guess.

I think I'm done for now.

-Ryan Out-

Super Brokeback Bad

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 06:20:24 GMT

Two co-dependent high school guys want to hook up with girls before they graduate and go off to different colleges, but, after a calamitous night just trying to buy alcohol for a school party, overcoming their separation anxiety becomes a greater challenge than getting the girls.

This is a summer must see! It will leave you laughing through out the whole movie. More on the comedy and the embaressment you'll feel for these characters. A sudden twist with storylines, but it's still funny. I can't review so much on this, it's just "GO WATCH IT!"

Grade: B+

Ryan out

Rush Hour 1 and half

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 10:39:51 GMT

Summary: In the heart of Paris lies a deadly secret. Half a world away in Los Angeles, Ambassador Han is about to disclose it. In his possession is explosive new evidence about the inner workings of the Triads--the most powerful and notorious crime syndicate in the world. The Ambassador has discovered the identity of Shy Shen, the very crux of the wide-ranging crime ring, and he's about to reveal it to the World Criminal Court--until he is silenced by an assassin's bullet. The Triads will go to any lengths to make sure their secrets stay buried, and there's only one hope for stopping them. LAPD Detective Carter and Chinese Inspector Lee are back--back where they don't belong. The unlikely duo is headed to the City of Lights to stop a global criminal conspiracy and save the life of an old friend, Ambassador Han's now-grown daughter, Soo Yung. They don't know the city, the language or even exactly what they're looking for, but their race will take them across the city, from the depths of the Paris underground to the breathtaking heights of the Eiffel Tower, as they fight to outrun the world's most deadly criminals and save the day.

Review: What a rush! And what an Hour. Really. Only an hour long movie? I think that was the only big disappointment to this movie. The rest of the movie was hillarious. The action, the drama, the comedy. Really though, I think they need to stop making these movies. Jakie Chan is getting old, how is he still doing these stunts?

Grade: B

Ryan out

Good bye Morons [Wait. I mean Mormons]

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 08:31:50 GMT

To whom this may concern-

Beezy

Well I just got back from my trip from Utah. Let me break it down for you. Hoi! Gib me a bit, ha!?

Monday 6th - So I left the house around 3AM to go head over to the studio to go caravan over to the airport with Rachel's family. [It was funny, when we were all packing our stuff into the truck some cops came out of no where. And they said we looked suspicious.] I road with Uncle Johnny and Rachel's dad and sister. Trixie, her mom, Rachel and her mom were in the other car. We basically stayed at the airport for an hour. I did a few 'Captain's Logs' while we were there for the hell of it. We got on our plane at 5:30AM and our plane took off at 6:05. I don't know what time we got to Utah, but damn that all nighter was a bad idea.

We got to Utah hella early. Guess who greeted us? White people! If that didn't make our day already with the waking up early and the welcome wagon, the airline lost our luggage and it was being sent to Pittsburg... Phili. Think the day couldn't get any worse? Well. We ended up going to the art center and we found out we didn't need to be there till 1PM. SO! We grabbed some chairs and fell asleep like homeless people. Our foster parent finally came at 10. Thank god our foster parent was filipino. Tita Fatima was hella nice to us.

When we got to the house, me, rachel and trixie crashed on the bed. When we got up, we got cleaned up and continued to check on our bags. Around 6 we met the Filipino group. They were so cool! We had dinner together then we got briefed about what was going on.

Tuesday 7th - So we woke up early and headed over to the Art Center once again. We got changed into Muslim clothes and got on a bus with the people from Croatia. They were cool. They played music on the bus. So the bus brought us over to this elementary school. We did the Muslim dances [Woo! I did Pakuntao!] then taught them how to go through the bamboo. After the school we headed over to a nearby park and had lunch with the people from Croatia. Then the people from Peru and Poland began to show up. After lunch full of singing we headed over to another park and performered on this hill in a park where people were having lunch. It was kinda weird. But I did Pakuntao again! xD

After performing we went back to the Art Center and rehearsed the other dances. We did Rural dances [Pandango and Tinkiling] while they did igarot. Then we began to learn their Sinkil. The girls did fan while I tried to learn their Pakuntao. We stopped practicing after awhile and headed over to 'The Lagoon' this small theme park.

Ok, so at the theme park it seemed really small, like half of PGA. BUT! They had just as many rides and rollercoasters. They are really short and small. Very disappointing. Let me tell you about one ride though. The "Terror Ride" was ****ing messed up! It wasn't scary, just plain out disturbing. They had some decapitated heads, skeletons hanging from the walls, some person chained up to a wheel, a dude operating on a monster, this crazy thing, oh my gosh crazy ****ed up people!

After that we went out for dinner. Nothing much there.

Wednesday 8th- We had early morning practice and then we found out we weren't performing the Muslim dances with them. Poop. So we learned their dance anyway. We were going to this mormon church but we didn't really want to go. So Tita Fatima brought us back to the house and we went back to sleep. xD When we woke up we headed back to the Art Center to get ready for the street dance. Me and Trixie performed Tinikling. Gah. My feet go so dirty from dancing on the pavement. >_< We watched the other performers. They were kinda boring. Except Peru. They were fun to watch and dance with.

After the performances we got kinda lazy and we headed back to the house because we didn't want to go swimming. We rented a movie instead, Music and Lyrics, and Trixie fell asleep during the movie. xD

Thursday 9th- We were starting to get sad that we were going to be leaving early. We woke up kinda late. Tita Fatima brought us over to Park City and we stopped by the Winter Olympic spot. It was crazy! There were people doing flips and stuff off the ramps. The Chinese Olympic team was there and they were crazy good. We got bored after awhile and we headed over to the shopping place. Then we got bored cause we had no money. xD

After shopping and ice cream we headed over to the festival grounds. That night we got to watch the Filipinos perform igarot. It was so cool!

Oh! We were in the newspaper! I'll add some pictures.

OMGoSHH! We met a white guy that spoke hella fluent tagalog! Full freakin white, and he spoke fluent tagalog!

When we got home we let Trixie finish the movie.

Friday 10th - We woke up early and ate breakfast. Then we waited for Tita Fatima and Tita Rose to come back with the candle lights. Unfortunately when we got there we found out we weren't performing anymore. Appearantly there was a problem with the mormons that they didn't want to see the Filipinos in G-Strings. This is our culture! To wear our G-Strings Proudly!

Still, we were still mad that we had to rush over and find out we weren't performing anymore. So instead of getting ready to perform like planned we ended up going shopping at the other country booths. We all bought little knick-nacks then watched the Filipinos do igarot again. The stupid director made a comment, "Well at least this time their wearing pants!"

Stupid people.

We took so many pictures, i'll upload them onto here later aswell as the videos of our performances.

-Ryan Out-

So happy to be back

The Simpsons

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 19:22:16 GMT

Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun~ [Too many!]

Yahoo Summary: Homer Simpson must save the world from a catastrophe he himself created. [Shortest Summary ever!]

Review: Oh god I love this movie! What wasn't in this movie that wasn't funny? It had drama, comedy, action, comedy, spider pig! Oh I love spider pig. I think the best scene is where Bart is skateboarding nude.

Ralph: I like boys now

Haha! Hillarious.

To be continued...

Immediately.

I didn't think they were serious when they meant 4x as long. [80minutes] I wanted more! I can't really review much on this without giving something away. It's a summers must see!

Grade: A- [Needs to be longer!]

-Ryan out!

Best Day Ever~

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 19:15:20 GMT

LATE POST!

It's the best day ever~
Best day ever!

So I had the "Best Day Ever~" over at Great America with Joey, Tim and Alfe on Monday. We left our houses at 9 and headed over to opening of the park. Man it was hot! Good thing there wasn't anyone at the park. We got to go on the rides at least twice before we got tired. The first ride we got on was Invertigo, and we got to go on twice in a row. Then we hoofed it over to Demon. Yes! Drop Zone! The guy put us on twice xD we got off after the second time. Crazy dude wanted us to go again. Then we went on the stupid ship ride! Gah! I loathe it! Next we went on Loggers and they put me up front with Tim. So soaked -_- After we went to rafts and we soaked people. I made friends with this creepy old guy. Soaked him good! Then we went on the rafts and he tried to soak us but the lady stopped the water. xD sucker! Later on in the day we rode more rides then we saw April! Yay!

So, that was mainly our day cut down a bit. After PGA we went over to Wing Stop. OMG! Me and Joey had atomics and I think it burned a hole in my stomach! xD

Chicken Count:
Alfe: 26
Me: 25
Joey: 25
Tim: 24

xD Best day Ever!

-Ryan Out!

There goes the neighborhood

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 08:56:01 GMT

Well readers.

Some fools just broke our address light, during the time where my whole family is awake. These kids around our neighborhood are just looking for trouble. We already called the cops and they just made a U-Turn and sped off. I assume that those bastards have been spotted.

::Ryan Out

Ryan's Night out on the Union Landing

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 10:49:22 GMT

So tonight I watched Transformers [go see the review] with Danielle, Renee, Tristan [Happy Birthday Foo!], and Audrey. God, best movie night! Danielle left early, but the rest of us went to Krispy Kreme for donuts. They were closed so Audrey and I decided to try and go through the drive through. What a failure... Bastards don't serve people in cars. So we went to IHOP and I got me some pancakes. I guess that was it. I can't really explain all the fun we had.

-Ryan out

p.s. YAY BRAIN FARTS!

Transformers! More then meets the- Oh god she's hot!

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 10:46:25 GMT

So I finally got around to watch Transformers. Yes, 13 days after it came out, sue me.

Summary: The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic war between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, which are able to change into a variety of objects, including cars, trucks, planes and other technological creations.
[Great summary yahoo! Short and sweet]

Review: Well, I can't say I hated it, but I didn't love it. I think what really kept me watching the movie was watching Megan Fox. Gah! Damn you Shia. From watching this movie Shia has gone along way from his acting, although most of his roles stay the same. Some kid getting in trouble. Blah... So, back to the movie. I guess the only let down was seeing Megatron not turn into a gun. I wanted to see him turn into a gun. If they make a second movie, I BETTER SEE A GUN!

Grade: A- [For Megan Fox!]

-Ryan Out

Harry Potter: Order of the OMG WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DIE!

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 06:41:13 GMT

I don't know what it is, but this movie series is just starting to grind my gears.

Ryan's Movie Review #3:
[Before I begin someone is gonna wonder, "Where was 2?" I forgot to review Ocean's 13, alright? Leave it alone, here's #3]

Yahoo Summary cause i'm too lazy:
As his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry approaches, 15-year-old Harry Potter is in full-blown adolescence, complete with regular outbursts of rage, a nearly debilitating crush, and the blooming of a powerful sense of rebellion. It's been yet another infuriating and boring summer with the despicable Dursleys, this time with minimal contact from our hero's non-Muggle friends from school. Harry is feeling especially edgy at the lack of news from the magic world, wondering when the freshly revived evil Lord Voldemort will strike. Returning to Hogwarts will be a relief--or will it?

Ryan's Review:

I think they all need to die... I don't know what it is, maybe I am just getting old and bitter and just don't want to see these movies anymore. I read the first chapter of this book and I'm kinda going, "Wait, this isn't what happen in the book did it?" Seriously, this movie screamed "Gay" all over it. "Oh Cedric! Noo! Cedric!" I couldn't stop thinking that there were a lot of dirty things going on. Also, the acting in the movie was horrible, referencing where they are about to go onto the train and Malfoy is running his mouth. Oh please, can they all die in the seventh book. I think all that really bothered me were the cliche lines, "Oh you have no friends". Another thing, what was with the, no quiditch scene. I wanted to see the fight! Along with the scene where Dumbledore does his genie clap and disappears with the phoenix. Its a phoenix shouldn't it come back? I think I just didn't like the way it was directed.... BRING BACK M

I guess the only cool part was the crazy yet cute little girl Luna Lovegood [I swear she looks like Dakota Fanning], "Nymph"adora Tonks [God I can't stop cracking up at that name], Bellatrix Lestrange [She was crazy, mad I tell you!], and the scene where Harry looked like he gave birth to Voldemort.

Boo summer

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 18:38:01 GMT

To those this may concern:

My ununeventful summer

So I thought i'd blog every day since summer started.

SIKE

I've been having brain farts ever since summer started. I guess since school got out my mind decided not to work as properly.... even thought it'd probably be the same.

Lets see if I can at least try to blog on more eventful days.

-ryan out-

p.s. i love fremont weather.

The Graduating class

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 01:50:58 GMT

I know it sounds mean, but, for some reason I won't miss them.

The only person i'll really miss is Jullian.

-Ryan out to think

English

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 07:22:27 GMT

Stupid english final screwed over my sleeping

I'll blog more when finals are over

-Ryan out